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By Ching M. Alano
Philippine Star, Tuesday, September 11, 2007
You may already have it and yet not know it. Scores of people around you may be suffering from it. It’s a disease spawned by 21st-century technology; why, it’s even become an epidemic!
We’re talking about PDI (public displays of insensitivity), caused by PDAs (personal digital assistants such as cell phones, pagers, BlackBerry handhelds, and laptops). In the US alone, 200 million cell phones, 103 million digital cameras, and 19 million PDAs were sold in the last few years. Just last April, Apple made juicy news as it marked the sale of its 100 millionth iPod.
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Says writer and blogger for CareerBuilder Rachel Zupek, “While these advances in technology provide Americans with convenience like they’ve never known, they can also be intrusive and obnoxious, to say the very least.”
Surely, PDAs have made life so much easier for a lot of us. They have made it possible for us to multi-task (or do three or more things at the same time) and do a lot of office work at home.
“As with a lot of things, personal digital assistants are excellent resources if used appropriately,” says Rosemary Haefner, vice president of Human Resources for CareerBuilder. “It’s when bosses are checking e-mails during a presentation or a client answers his cell phone at dinner when it becomes an issue.”
According to a recent survey by VitalSmarts, 91 percent of people regularly encounter public displays of insensitivity caused by a PDA.
We don’t have to look far: Imagine a cell phone loudly singing Asereje in the middle of Offertory during Holy Mass. Or your blind date texting and having a love affair with his/her cell phone all through a candlelit dinner. Or can you imagine a guest at a funeral snapping pictures of the dead with his cell phone?
I remember the balikbayan friend of a friend saying that Filipinos have this incurable (and often pathetic) addiction to texting. As a guest of honor at a lunch hosted by her former classmates, this balikbayan said she practically felt unwanted because as soon as they sat down, everybody started texting. Hello! Is anybody home? Everybody was either texting somebody or texting each other some jokes that, like fruit cakes, must have made the rounds. This balikbayan certainly didn’t find this funny at all.
No thanks to these PDAs, we’ve lost the art of conversation or intimate communication. Walk into a restaurant and notice a couple with their children on one table or a group of friends on another table. They have one thing in common: They’re all not talking to each other. Instead, they’re talking on their cell phones to other people.
If you ask me, I make it a point to always turn off my cell phone not only during Mass, while driving or gassing up, but also when I’m dining with family and friends. For me, no call can be more important than spending precious time with my loved ones.
And if I may add, people today are such bad spelers, I mean spellers, no thanks to texting. Fact is, some people now write the way they text.
PDI has got to stop. So, how do you deal with digital bad manners?
According to a survey, one in 10 people speaks up to the offender while the vast majority remain silent by ignoring the behavior (37 percent), giving dirty looks or showing disapproval in other nonverbal ways (26 percent) or just walking away (14 percent).
Says Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior, “Current social norms dictate that you should be courteous and polite, and the advancement of new technologies should not trump these unwritten rules. To maintain a civil and courteous society, we must learn to confront PDIs in a way that addresses the bad behavior without sacrificing the respect each person deserves.”
With all the grace you can muster, here’s how to deal with digital bad behavior, according to Grenny:
• Don’t rely solely on vague and prickly nonverbals. Your dirty looks, harrumphs, and shaking head are often weak and unclear messages that can provoke either no reaction or defensiveness and annoyance. When others fill in the blanks, they may attribute a worse message than you intended. You want the offenders to realize his/her behavior is obnoxious — not that you are obnoxious.
• Speak softly, be tentative. Softer voices are less provocative; require the offenders to pay attention to what you’re saying and offer privacy to salvage the other person’s pride. If you want to try a nonverbal first, use tentative gestures like eye contact, a polite smile or pointing to your ear rather than an angry stare. This will make it easier to become more verbal without escalating to conflict.
• Be gracious and ask permission. When people are publicly insensitive, it’s generally because they are attending solely to their own needs. Start by apologizing for the inconvenience and then ask for their permission to listen to your request. “I don’t mean to put you out but ... ”
• Share natural consequences. Never make demands without explaining them. People feel more obligated to oblige when your request appears reasonable. For example, “Can you please not check your e-mail right now? I’m trying to make a presentation, and it’s slightly distracting.”
• Keep your smile but hold your ground. Maintain eye contact, stay silent, and let them respond. Don’t become aggressive.
• Accept a “no” and move on with your life. If they either fail to comply or quickly return to the obnoxious behavior, let it drop. Unless the situation continues for an extended period of time or your safety is at risk, you’re better off just moving on — and getting on with your life.
Message sent!
source::
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