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When a friend says ‘I AM GAY’ by Bob Davies
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A friend’s or family member’s admission of homosexuality can be devastating. How should you respond?
Don’t try to become an expert on human sexuality. Relax! None of us has the depth of understanding on such complex issues as homosexuality that we’d sometimes like. So don’t try to pretend you know everything. At the same time, read good Christian books on the subject and take advantage of any other materials that give understanding but realize that ministering is much more than just having all the right answers. Your help will be most effective when you concentrate on knowing more about the solution—Jesus Christ—than on the problem.
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Separate the person from the behavior.
God hates sin, but loves all of us “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:. He is not willing that any should perish (2 peter 3):, including those caught in homosexuality. The principle “love the sinner, but hate the sin” applies here. As you face the situation, remember that homosexuality is just one small part of who your friend is.
Be a sensitive friend who cares.
Homosexuality is just a symptom. Finding out what hurts and the emotional needs that lie behind the “gay” label will take time and effort. Realize that you will have to “take down some walls” in your own life, too. Vulnerability works both ways. Talking about intimate sexual struggles may leave your friend feeling naked and sacred. Share some of you current spiritual “growing pains”, too.
Give hope for change.
This is crucial. Overcoming homosexuality is a process—often slow, sometime painful—of emotional and spiritual growth. A startling number of homosexuals have grown up in Christian homes and know the biblical perspective on homosexuality. But often they have never heard that change is possible (1Corinthians 6:11). Let you friend know about ex-gay ministries and materials.
Take a spiritual check-up of your own life
Coming out of homosexuality is really tough, and requires a total surrender to Jesus Christ. If your own spiritual condition is shaky, now is the perfect time to strengthen your walk with God. And realize the importance of humility. Your friend is a hurting person, not a “reclamation project.”And you are not spiritually superior because your past sins haven’t included homosexual involvement.
Confront in Love.
The bible clearly condemns homosexual behavior. But Romans 2:1 says when you judge another, you condemn yourself “because you who pass judgment do the same things.” The underlying issues which pull someone into homosexuality- envy,fear,pride,rebellion- are common problems to us all. Homosexuals are not a different race. In fact, they face similar struggles to your own. (Exodus International)
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