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As a child, I hated eating ampalaya. And because my parents were Ilocano, ampalaya was often served at our meals, together with my mom giving a lecture on the many benefits of eating ampalaya – from increasing our blood supply, strengthening our immunity to disease, to improving our intelligence. The only reason she could convince me to eat ampalaya is that it improves complexion – smoother, whiter skin, etc. A vain young lady that I was, I did eat my share of the ampalaya and waited and waited for my pimples to dry up and to finally have the skin that won’t need Block&White or whatever you are supposed to apply.
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That was when I was a teenager. Many things have happened since. As I grew older and wiser, the taste of ampalaya no longer seemed to be that bitter. Last week, during one of our recollection days, I got to reflecting on the sufferings of Christ. I gazed in awe at the Crucifix and wondered how he was able to accept the Cross. Then I remembered what our Christian Living teacher used to tell us – that what we do at the height of our crisis depends on the day to day habit we have developed. If we have practiced daily prayer, such words of prayer will spontaneously come to our mind and expressed in our lips when we are in a tight situation – temptations, accidents, misunderstandings, depression. If we practice waiting and sacrifice and accepting discomfort or small pains, we will be able to surmount huge burdens and troubles when they come our way.
Then I remembered my childhood and the ampalaya. If my mother had not encouraged me, not to say forced me, to eat the ampalaya even if it were only a spoonful at a time, I would not have realized the value of this vegetable now that I am aging and I need more vitamins and minerals to maintain my health. Then I remembered also how parents and teachers would tell me not to be complaining so much but to accept life as it comes –the sweet as well as the bitter. Do you know that ampalaya does not taste so bitter to me anymore – in fact, it sometimes tastes sweet!
Now that I am a counselor, I listen to people relate to me their woes in life – how they harbor feelings of bitterness towards relatives who abused their parents’ kindness, and toward those who, after receiving the help they needed, forgot all about them when they became successful. They would bear grudges against those who maligned them without reason, or against those who owed them money and never paid them back. As you are reading this, you must be thinking – of course I will hate those kinds of people
too.
Bitterness corrupts our entire character. Unless we learn to forgive and see what lessons the bitter experiences in life can bring to us, our hearts will be filled with resentment and hatred. We spend sleepless nights unnecessarily, mulling over the hurts and harsh words we heard from the “enemy”. We get distracted from our work and we get angry at the slightest provocation. We begin to misjudge and distrust others, even if they have nothing to do with the person who hurt us.
Forgiveness overcomes bitterness. No matter how hard it is to forgive, it is the beginning of growth and peace of heart. Things begin to change once we make that decision to forgive, even if our emotions are all twisted and confused yet. Remember, love is a decision. We do not have to like the person immediately, because he/she will surely remain unlovable and challenging for a long time, but praying to God to help you forgive and love that person is a good beginning. And miracles do happen. It takes practice and it could feel like you were crawling like a baby at first, but based on my experience, God will make a way and soon, without your even noticing it – love and understanding and respect step in.
From Hebrews 12:14-15 – “Make every effort to live in peace with all people and to be holy, without holiness, no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Let me end this with a saying that you must have heard many times before –“ Let go and let God”. Allow Him to make the bitter turn to sweet in your life.
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